Top 4 Money Wasters In Your 20′s

2008 April 7
by Kyle Bumpus
from → Commentary, Frugality, Personal Finance

I would probably already be a multi-millionaire if it weren’t for these huge money-wasters.  I estimate just in the past month, I’ve wasted approximately $152,502.42 on the following vices.  Not that I’m complaining: you only live once, right?  I have no intention of cutting back.  This is for informational purposes only.

 Let’s start from the top:

Women

It’s been said that women are the root of all evil.  Or was that money?  I’m not sure I can tell the difference anymore.  Dating is expensive, really expensive, and while most women seem to be pro-equality for practically everything else, there’s still a stigma associated with a woman paying for a date.  I know you’ve felt it.  You’re almost embarassed when the check arrives and she picks up the tab.  Don’t be.  Mooching off women is a noble act.  Some might say it’s just because I’m from the south and we’re backwards rednecks.  First, shut up.  Second, I have noticed this phenomenon all over the country and indeed the world.  To pimp globally ain’t easy or cheap, and even those of us who make pretty decent money sometimes feel the pinch.  So women, please, pay for us, make us dinner, bake us a cake.  But it’s important not to immasculate us in the process.  Maybe whisper something in our ear to make us feel rugged and manly even though you’ve just taken away what for millenia has defined us as men.  Something like “Oh baby, the way you parallel parked that car on the way in makes me so hot” should do it.  In case you’re interested, check out the comments over at Free Money Finance’s recent post Who Should Pay For A Date?  My preferred answer is “not me”.

Bars 

Looking at my credit card statement, I have spent approximately $618 at bars in the past month.  That’s a lot of money but to be fair, not all of it was for booze.  I also eat out a lot because I’m a horrible cook and get tired of frozen pizza every night.  I know I could save money by drinking at home with my friends, and I actually do think I will get into home brewing as a hobby, but it’s just not the same.  You can’t pick up women at home and isn’t that the raison d’etre for any 20-something male?  One realistic thing I could do is start going to more dive bars.  I have always loved a good dive but unfortunately, many of my friends seem to have more “sophisticated” (read, snobby) tastes.  I really hope my friends don’t read this blog.

T-Shirts With Stupid Crap Written On Them

As a white person, I love T-shirts with stupid crap written on them.  I have a mountain of them espousing everything from the importance of protecting your nuts (see photo at right) to letting everybody know I’m the boss a la Tony Danza to declaring my skills in the bedroom in the most offensive manner possible.  Because of these wonderful creations, I am able to express my every mood and whim in t-shirt form.  The ability to express oneself non-verbally is very important in a bar situation.  You may be far too intoxicated to verbalize a witty quip to the cute brunette to your right without having it sound like “ahey ababy wan ago fur aae rydie?”, but if you thought ahead and put on your favorite nut-protection shirt, you won’t have to.  Women are immediately drawn to witty, mass-produced t-shirts.  I can’t explain it but so long as it continues to be true, I will continue to frequent the inappropriate t-shirt shelf at Target.  I can’t even guess how much I have spent on these things.

Wedding Gifts

Being in my mid-20′s, many of my friends are settling down and getting married.  Stop it.  I can’t afford any more toaster/oven/fax machine combos.  And why does everybody put $1000 China sets on their registry?  Who can afford that?  Not I and not my friends.  If you insist on getting married, please elope to Vegas and be done with it.  I will be happy to send you a “So you lowered your standards in Vegas” card with a $10 check enclosed.  Just don’t ask me to rent a tux and buy you a shower radio.  It’s rude.

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16 Responses
  1. 2008 April 7

    Hilarious!

    I had the same problem in my 20′s except my bar bill was a lot higher!

    Mike

  2. 2008 April 7

    Your bar bill was higher than that? And I thought $600+ was ridiculous.

  3. 2008 April 7

    Just found you through 4Pillars. Hilarious!!!

    You just found yourself a new subscriber.

  4. 2008 April 8

    I think in my 20′s I wasted most money on eating out. I do not drink so used to tend to eat when I went to a bar or pub. I also wasted a few thousands buying some shares which did really badly. I also went on holidays which I no longer do.

  5. 2008 April 8

    Thanks to everybody who stumbled me! Much appreciated. I owe you all a beer.

  6. 2008 April 10
    Amanda permalink

    You should find you a sugar momma. Like someone who lives at home with her parents and can pay for your bar tabs and funny shirts. But no wedding presents. A line has to be drawn somewhere.

  7. 2008 April 13

    Funny!!! I guess we’re stuck paying for dates and stuff until we a) convince society we’re still ‘cool’ letting our dates pick up the check or b) figure out a replacement for the ‘fairer sex’. Since I’m not betting that’s going to happen anytime soon, we’re stuck with status-quo.

  8. 2008 April 15
    hardworking_single_mom permalink

    Funny. Except I’d change the title to reflect that 3 out of 4 listed money wasters apply mostly to males :P .
    In general it’s true, though. Change “stupid t-shirts” to “wardrobe”, “bar” to “eating out”, “women” to … uh… no clue here… and we’ve got a version of this list for girls :D

  9. 2008 April 23

    As a person in my early 20′s myself I can’t agree more with Kyle.
    What you could do to lower your bars expenses and women expenses is to find a stable girlfriend ( kinda hard since most 20 something women that I meet are very unstable ;-) ( just kidding ladies)) and try cooking for her and maybe she could try cooking for you. That way you could enjoy a romantic dinner together in the convenience of your own home.. You could still go out but at least you could do it less often..

  10. 2008 August 11

    I used to have a sign by my desk;
    “When I was young, I spent all my money on women and beer. The rest, I wasted.”
    I’m glad some things don’t change.
    Joe

  11. 2008 November 3
    Lynn permalink

    I love this! So funny!!

  12. 2009 January 29

    Yes spending money on dating and women is a huge cost for 20 somethings.

    I am 23 and I have actually started to manage my finances a lot better since middle of last year.

    I do admit to spending lots of money on women in my early 20′s.

  13. 2009 March 12
    Lisa permalink

    First of all — thanks for cutting me out of the picture above — second of all — you’re looking at the wedding present thing all wrong. We’re giving you a present by feeding you and giving you an open bar all night. In fact, you could combine your number one money drain (women) and your number four (weddings) and solve 2 problems in one. It’s a free luxury all expenses paid for date! Just swing by CVS and pick up a nice card ($4 max) and tell her you’ll put a check in it. Then, on the sly, you can write in the margin, “I owe you a beer” and we’ll call it even.

  14. 2009 March 12

    Actually, it was Sam that I cut out. Excellent suggestion, though! But you already told me I’m not allowed to bring a trashy date.

  15. 2009 March 12

    Lisa, you think too much at 7:41 AM

  16. 2009 October 28

    I had a coach in high school that always said, “Women ruined more athletes than drugs and alcohol combined.” So true…you can also substitute any subset of the population in the quote instead of athletes of course.

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