I would probably already be a multi-millionaire if it weren’t for these huge money-wasters. I estimate just in the past month, I’ve wasted approximately $152,502.42 on the following vices. Not that I’m complaining: you only live once, right? I have no intention of cutting back. This is for informational purposes only.
Let’s start from the top:
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Women
It’s been said that women are the root of all evil. Or was that money? I’m not sure I can tell the difference anymore. Dating is expensive, really expensive, and while most women seem to be pro-equality for practically everything else, there’s still a stigma associated with a woman paying for a date. I know you’ve felt it. You’re almost embarassed when the check arrives and she picks up the tab. Don’t be. Mooching off women is a noble act. Some might say it’s just because I’m from the south and we’re backwards rednecks. First, shut up. Second, I have noticed this phenomenon all over the country and indeed the world. To pimp globally ain’t easy or cheap, and even those of us who make pretty decent money sometimes feel the pinch. So women, please, pay for us, make us dinner, bake us a cake. But it’s important not to immasculate us in the process. Maybe whisper something in our ear to make us feel rugged and manly even though you’ve just taken away what for millenia has defined us as men. Something like “Oh baby, the way you parallel parked that car on the way in makes me so hot” should do it. In case you’re interested, check out the comments over at Free Money Finance’s recent post Who Should Pay For A Date? My preferred answer is “not me”.
Bars
Looking at my credit card statement, I have spent approximately $618 at bars in the past month. That’s a lot of money but to be fair, not all of it was for booze. I also eat out a lot because I’m a horrible cook and get tired of frozen pizza every night. I know I could save money by drinking at home with my friends, and I actually do think I will get into home brewing as a hobby, but it’s just not the same. You can’t pick up women at home and isn’t that the raison d’etre for any 20-something male? One realistic thing I could do is start going to more dive bars. I have always loved a good dive but unfortunately, many of my friends seem to have more “sophisticated” (read, snobby) tastes. I really hope my friends don’t read this blog.
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T-Shirts With Stupid Crap Written On Them
As a white person, I love T-shirts with stupid crap written on them. I have a mountain of them espousing everything from the importance of protecting your nuts (see photo at right) to letting everybody know I’m the boss a la Tony Danza to declaring my skills in the bedroom in the most offensive manner possible. Because of these wonderful creations, I am able to express my every mood and whim in t-shirt form. The ability to express oneself non-verbally is very important in a bar situation. You may be far too intoxicated to verbalize a witty quip to the cute brunette to your right without having it sound like “ahey ababy wan ago fur aae rydie?”, but if you thought ahead and put on your favorite nut-protection shirt, you won’t have to. Women are immediately drawn to witty, mass-produced t-shirts. I can’t explain it but so long as it continues to be true, I will continue to frequent the inappropriate t-shirt shelf at Target. I can’t even guess how much I have spent on these things.
Wedding Gifts
Being in my mid-20’s, many of my friends are settling down and getting married. Stop it. I can’t afford any more toaster/oven/fax machine combos. And why does everybody put $1000 China sets on their registry? Who can afford that? Not I and not my friends. If you insist on getting married, please elope to Vegas and be done with it. I will be happy to send you a “So you lowered your standards in Vegas” card with a $10 check enclosed. Just don’t ask me to rent a tux and buy you a shower radio. It’s rude.
14 responses so far ↓
1 Four Pillars // Apr 7, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Hilarious!
I had the same problem in my 20’s except my bar bill was a lot higher!
Mike
2 Kyle // Apr 7, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Your bar bill was higher than that? And I thought $600+ was ridiculous.
3 Emily // Apr 7, 2008 at 6:14 pm
Just found you through 4Pillars. Hilarious!!!
You just found yourself a new subscriber.
4 Rachel @ Master Your Card // Apr 8, 2008 at 2:45 am
I think in my 20’s I wasted most money on eating out. I do not drink so used to tend to eat when I went to a bar or pub. I also wasted a few thousands buying some shares which did really badly. I also went on holidays which I no longer do.
5 Kyle // Apr 8, 2008 at 8:28 am
Thanks to everybody who stumbled me! Much appreciated. I owe you all a beer.
6 Amanda // Apr 10, 2008 at 12:01 pm
You should find you a sugar momma. Like someone who lives at home with her parents and can pay for your bar tabs and funny shirts. But no wedding presents. A line has to be drawn somewhere.
7 Saturday Weigh-In and LinkStuff // Apr 12, 2008 at 3:55 am
[...] from the Amateur Asset Allocator wrote a hilarious post about all the things he’s wasted money on. I could have sworn that Mr. Cheap wrote this post since it’s a similar style. I highly [...]
8 Remodeling This Life » Sunday Roundup // Apr 13, 2008 at 2:04 am
[...] Asset Allocater had me cracking up at Top 4 Money Wasters in Your 20s. [...]
9 Randall at CreditWithdrawal // Apr 13, 2008 at 11:32 am
Funny!!! I guess we’re stuck paying for dates and stuff until we a) convince society we’re still ‘cool’ letting our dates pick up the check or b) figure out a replacement for the ‘fairer sex’. Since I’m not betting that’s going to happen anytime soon, we’re stuck with status-quo.
10 The 55th Carnival of Money Stories - Tax Day Edition — The Baglady // Apr 14, 2008 at 10:02 pm
[...] from Amateur Asset Collector gives us Top 4 Money Wasters in Your 20s. It seems like Kyle paid a bit too much taxes on alcohol when he was in his [...]
11 hardworking_single_mom // Apr 15, 2008 at 9:29 am
Funny. Except I’d change the title to reflect that 3 out of 4 listed money wasters apply mostly to males :P.
In general it’s true, though. Change “stupid t-shirts” to “wardrobe”, “bar” to “eating out”, “women” to … uh… no clue here… and we’ve got a version of this list for girls
12 Weekend Link Love And Carnival Roundup | Amateur Asset Allocator // Apr 19, 2008 at 10:23 am
[...] Carnival of Money Stories #55 was hosted by bag lady. She was kind enough to include my post Top Money Wasters In Your 20’s. This post turned out to be incredibly popular and I’d like to think everybody who did [...]
13 Dividend Growth Investor // Apr 23, 2008 at 7:19 am
As a person in my early 20’s myself I can’t agree more with Kyle.
( just kidding ladies)) and try cooking for her and maybe she could try cooking for you. That way you could enjoy a romantic dinner together in the convenience of your own home.. You could still go out but at least you could do it less often..
What you could do to lower your bars expenses and women expenses is to find a stable girlfriend ( kinda hard since most 20 something women that I meet are very unstable
14 Should Risk Tolerance Determine Asset Allocation? | Amateur Asset Allocator // May 19, 2008 at 3:13 am
[...] always had a high risk tolerance. Coupled with the fact that I’m still in my mid-20’s and have decades before retirement, I have no trouble sleeping at night even though I have a fairly [...]
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