Top 4 Money Wasters In Your 20′s
I would probably already be a multi-millionaire if it weren’t for these huge money-wasters. I estimate just in the past month, I’ve wasted approximately $152,502.42 on the following vices. Not that I’m complaining: you only live once, right? I have no intention of cutting back. This is for informational purposes only.
Let’s start from the top:
It’s been said that women are the root of all evil. Or was that money? I’m not sure I can tell the difference anymore. Dating is expensive, really expensive, and while most women seem to be pro-equality for practically everything else, there’s still a stigma associated with a woman paying for a date. I know you’ve felt it. You’re almost embarassed when the check arrives and she picks up the tab. Don’t be. Mooching off women is a noble act. Some might say it’s just because I’m from the south and we’re backwards rednecks. First, shut up. Second, I have noticed this phenomenon all over the country and indeed the world. To pimp globally ain’t easy or cheap, and even those of us who make pretty decent money sometimes feel the pinch. So women, please, pay for us, make us dinner, bake us a cake. But it’s important not to immasculate us in the process. Maybe whisper something in our ear to make us feel rugged and manly even though you’ve just taken away what for millenia has defined us as men. Something like “Oh baby, the way you parallel parked that car on the way in makes me so hot” should do it. In case you’re interested, check out the comments over at Free Money Finance’s recent post Who Should Pay For A Date? My preferred answer is “not me”.
Looking at my credit card statement, I have spent approximately $618 at bars in the past month. That’s a lot of money but to be fair, not all of it was for booze. I also eat out a lot because I’m a horrible cook and get tired of frozen pizza every night. I know I could save money by drinking at home with my friends, and I actually do think I will get into home brewing as a hobby, but it’s just not the same. You can’t pick up women at home and isn’t that the raison d’etre for any 20-something male? One realistic thing I could do is start going to more dive bars. I have always loved a good dive but unfortunately, many of my friends seem to have more “sophisticated” (read, snobby) tastes. I really hope my friends don’t read this blog.
T-Shirts With Stupid Crap Written On Them
As a white person, I love T-shirts with stupid crap written on them. I have a mountain of them espousing everything from the importance of protecting your nuts (see photo at right) to letting everybody know I’m the boss a la Tony Danza to declaring my skills in the bedroom in the most offensive manner possible. Because of these wonderful creations, I am able to express my every mood and whim in t-shirt form. The ability to express oneself non-verbally is very important in a bar situation. You may be far too intoxicated to verbalize a witty quip to the cute brunette to your right without having it sound like “ahey ababy wan ago fur aae rydie?”, but if you thought ahead and put on your favorite nut-protection shirt, you won’t have to. Women are immediately drawn to witty, mass-produced t-shirts. I can’t explain it but so long as it continues to be true, I will continue to frequent the inappropriate t-shirt shelf at Target. I can’t even guess how much I have spent on these things.
Being in my mid-20′s, many of my friends are settling down and getting married. Stop it. I can’t afford any more toaster/oven/fax machine combos. And why does everybody put $1000 China sets on their registry? Who can afford that? Not I and not my friends. If you insist on getting married, please elope to Vegas and be done with it. I will be happy to send you a “So you lowered your standards in Vegas” card with a $10 check enclosed. Just don’t ask me to rent a tux and buy you a shower radio. It’s rude.