Comments on: Who Should Pay For A Date?

By: Milan

Milan — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 17:14:45 +0000

“If my date does not offer to pay, I will smile, pay the bill, and then never call her again. If you don’t like my policy, please”

You should at least warn them that this is your policy, though they are quite likely to be offended by it.

By: Dog items

Dog items — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 20:56:35 +0000

I think it depends on how far into the relationship you are. I don’t think a simple blind date or a few dates should mean the guy pays for everything, it should be split.

By: Four Pillars

Four Pillars — Thu, 01 May 2008 02:47:20 +0000

I think you should wait until the morning after to “never call again”…

By: Kyle

Kyle — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 21:06:31 +0000

I think it’s likely that most guys who act offended when you offer to pay really aren’t, but act that way because they’ve had it drilled into their head by society they should pay. It’s not being offended so much as fear that others will look down on them for “not being a man”. You can avoid that problem by explicitly stating it’s not a negative reflection of his masculinity. They also probably think it’s a test. Men can get pretty paranoid that everything a woman says or does is some sort of test. It’s sad.

Maria, I understand your point about the do-follow, but on the other hand then you tend to get people commenting just for the sake of getting a link, which isn’t exactly what I’m going for. Besides, I don’t even have enough page rank for myself, much less enough to go around!

By: Maria

Maria — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 20:40:10 +0000

Miss Moneybags makes a good point. What if your date is used to guys who are offended by an offer to pay on the first date?
I let my boyfriend (now husband) pay on our first couple dates but once we were friends we took turns, whoever had money paid (we were both in college and broke anyway). He was old-fashioned about the guy paying when we first went out so I let him out of respect.
PS I think you’d get more comments on your posts if you adopted the do-follow policy. I know I would. I make a point of commenting regularly on do-follow blogs.

By: Little Miss Moneybags

Little Miss Moneybags — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 14:31:25 +0000

Interesting philosophy. I’d like to present it from the woman’s standpoint.

From what I’ve discussed with my girlfriends, we notice that a lot of guys seem to be offended if women offer to pay (even half) on the first date, especially if they were expressly invited by the man. It also seems that a lot of women offer this because they realize they are only interested in being friends, and don’t want to be in the position of “owing” anything for a free dinner. Or that perhaps men interpret a woman offering to pay on the first date as indicating she’s only interested in being friends.

Me, personally–I tend to date people in roughly the same socioeconomic situation as I am in, so it’s not fair for one person to pick up the tab all the time. I just went on a first date last week, and did not offer to pay. I thanked my date, and planned to pay on our second date a few days later. I attempted that, but he didn’t let me. He holds to the “whoever asks, pays” rule, so I said fine, and right then we made plans for a third dinner, which I’ll be paying for. I think from here on out, if we keep seeing each other, we’ll split things more evenly–either trade off paying, or split the bill.

I say that only to encourage you not to write off women who don’t offer to pay on the first date. They might really like you and not want to give off friendship-only vibes by trying to split the bill right down the middle. Unless you announce your policy up front, you might be missing out on some girl who is trying to show her interest by letting you “be the man” and take her out.

On the other hand, if she chose the most expensive item on the menu, had three drinks and dessert, and didn’t offer to pay…well, yeah. Lost her number quickly.