Fight High Gas Prices By Driving Like A Jerk

Have you ever gotten spam emails or chain letters saying something like

“…for the rest of this year, DON’T purchase ANY gasoline
from the two biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL…?”

Yeah me too.  Obviously, this won’t work because these silly little boycotts don’t actually decrease the demand for gasoline;  they merely shift it around temporarily.  Believe me, Exxon is every bit as happy selling its extra inventory to other oil companies than directly to the consumer.  I won’t even get into the fact that most Exxon gas stations are actually independently-owned and you’d only be hurting the little guy.  By this point, the skeptics among you are probably asking “ok smart guy, do you have a better idea?”  I thought you’d never ask!  Of course I do.  The problem is high demand.  Gas prices will never head lower until we reduce the amount we use, and what is a major source of gasoline consumption?  Gas-guzzling SUVs, of course!  If everybody drove fuel-efficient cars, consumption just might decrease enough to put a dent in gas prices.  So how do we convince people to drive smaller cars? .

Drive Like A Jerk

Sociologists will tell you people respond to crowds.  If it becomes unpopular or unpleasant to drive gas-guzzlers, people will stop doing it.  So the question is, how can we make driving gas-guzzlers as unpleasant as possible?  Simple.  Drive like a jerk.  Treat SUV drivers as if you’re better than them.  Ignore them.  Act as though they are beneath you.  They say if you ignore a bully, he will go away.  Maybe, just maybe, the same will work on SUV drivers.

Cut Them Off

If you are driving in your Toyota Prius and notice an Escalade accelerating in the lane beside you, cut them off violently and give them the universal signal of disapproval involving one finger.  You should then immediately slow down to cause them as much delay and annoyance as possible.  Bonus points if you coordinate with other hybrid drivers to box them in so they can’t change lanes.  They’ll get the idea.

Don’t Let SUV Drivers Merge

Usually, it’s considered good form to allow a driver to merge in front of you on a busy street.  But if you see a gas-guzzler attempting to merge, it’s perfectly okay to disallow it.  Make sure you look directly at them and smile while you pull forward.  If they don’t know that you notice and are just ignoring them, they might not get the point.  Remember, the goal is to make them feel ostracized from society.  Perhaps pointing and laughing would help.

Exceptions

Exceptions should be made for gas-guzzlers who actually have a legitimate reason to exist.  For example, if you see a pick-up truck obviously owned by a small business carrying equipment to or from a job, you should be nice to them.  After all, they actually have a legitimate reason for needing such a vehicle and aren’t driving it just to be a jerk.  The same goes for multi-passenger vehicles actually carrying multiple passengers.  An SUV carrying five people is fine.  An SUV with a driver and nobody else on board is not.  A driver and single passenger is questionable.  Use your discretion.