For my boyfriend and I, when we looked at the whole picture, there were just so many things that are more important. The average wedding costs as much as the downpayment on a really nice house! We never actually decided about the ring until I saw a stone that I absolutely loved (a purple sapphire heart) for about $500. I bought the stone myself and since my boyfriend felt so bad about not “being able to provide a surprise dream ring” I’m going to let him pick out the setting and a matching band for him (since I’m only going to wear this ring, not an extra band). He also seemed a little surprised that I suggested getting the setting at a pawn shop. Really, I’m super-klutzy so I need something durable like platinum but why should we spend a grand on a setting if they have something like it at the pawn shop for half or less?

But I guess I’m a non-traditionalist. We’re “eloping” when we get married so we don’t have the huge expense of a wedding, perhaps even just self solemnize. We’d rather put the money toward a house and a big, squishy savings cushion.

For me the ring is a symbol of the love and devotion you feel for one another. It’s not a measure of it. It makes sense for it to be a joint venture.

First off, I’m not going to lie; I consider myself a feminist. No, not one of those “man haters” or even a “women should be seen as superior” type, but a genuine, honest-to-goodness, “really, would it kill everyone to just see each other as equals” type. I believe that while men and women both have strengths and weaknesses, at the end of the day we’re all human and we’re all equal; everything balances out. Or, at least it should. I realize that everyone doesn’t see things the same way as me (ESPECIALLY when it comes to marriage), and I respect that. For example, in the event I get married I could never see myself taking on another person’s surname, or giving any children my husband’s last name entirely (there ARE two parents raising the child…hyphenating never hurt anyone). Like I said before, traditional women, or even not-so-traditional women won’t always see eye to eye on that. Oh, well. It’s personal decisions.

Anyways, to get more on topic…I’m really not seeing why so many women are getting their panties in a bunch over this article. When I first read it it seemed a bit harsh…but then I got over it, set aside my personal feelings, and just read the damn thing. And you know what? He makes perfect sense. He pointed out that society is changing and that women no longer have to be in the traditional roles that they were in before (it’s optional, but not practically mandatory). He’s acknowledging that women are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. And as far as his “buy your own ring if you want one so badly” approach, chill the hell out. I’m pretty sure he’s saying that to the women who DO want to go around acting all independent but the first time their dinner isn’t paid for or when they’re offered a ring that isn’t nearly up to par of what they expected, they’re sulking around and whining about not being loved. I believe what he’s saying (and correct me if I’m wrong) is that society has just gotten waaaaay too into the material aspect of this thing. Is it wrong for a woman to want or enjoy shiny things? Of course not. Hell, I LOVE shiny jewelry. But if my boyfriend who is drowning in student loan debt can’t afford a ring (or if he simply sees the money going towards something more meaningful like, you know, a HOUSE) am I going to be upset about it? Heck, do I even EXPECT a ring? Of course not. Engagement rings are gifts, and I honestly wouldn’t feel comfortable receiving one unless I got him something in return. It would be a pretty bad double standard to want to be seen as equals yet turn around and expect an over-the-top gift to brag about when really, it has nothing to do with your love for each other. In the end, it’s just a rock. Rocks aren’t what keep you warm at night. It’s tradition? Pssh. It used to be “tradition” for women to stay at home with the kids and cook and clean all day but you see we broke free of that. If you want to be seen as equals, ladies, you can’t pick and choose which “traditions” to uphold and which ones to throw away.

In the end though, with anything, it’s personal choice and the decision comes down to the couple. If the man WANTS to buy you a ring then fine. If you want a ring it’s perfectly normal; just don’t whine when it’s not the 8,000 dollar one you saw in the catalog downtown. If an engagement ring is enough to make or break you though, then really…what does that say about your relationship?

(I hope I’m making any sort of sense. It’s four in the morning and I’m tired but I couldn’t resist commenting on this.)

In short…I enjoyed this article thoroughly. I’m glad it’s being acknowledged that women don’t “need” men anymore; I’ve always thought that’s it better to be wanted than needed anyway. And to Kyle, don’t worry; you seem like a wonderful man with strong opinions, and it’s a beautiful thing to be able to stick to your guns.

Just, you know, when you DO meet that special person…try to phrase your reasoning a bit nicer. Not all women are insensitive jerks like myself. ;-P

And people constantly asking to see the ring says more about how materialistic modern America has become than anything about “tradition.”

But anyway, so if he buys you a nice ring, what are you going to buy him? A boat? A car? Seems like a fair trade to me.